


Stupid Phone Calls

by uwujii



Series: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020 [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Insecurity, M/M, Overthinking, Self-Doubt, Self-Worth Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 10:00:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27349303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uwujii/pseuds/uwujii
Summary: "Tsukki, I have a question.""Shut up, Yamaguchi."
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Series: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1995433
Comments: 2
Kudos: 66
Collections: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020





	Stupid Phone Calls

**Author's Note:**

> Day 2 (Tier 1, 2 & 3) : Phone calls + Insecurities + "Was I never enough?"
> 
> TW // minor cussing, self doubt, slight neglect, self deprication, overthinking
> 
> Slowburn (a bit)

Yamaguchi and Tsukishima have been best friends for the longest time. They trusted and knew almost everything about each other, making them inseparable. They were always walking next to each other, talking about different topics, and always sitting next to each other during practice or on the bus when they'd go on matches.

So, it wasn't a surprise when they started dating. Everyone knew it was coming, seeing as the blond was only open towards Yamaguchi and was the only person allowed to call Tsukishima by his first name. The former, on the other hand, wasn't secretive of his feelings towards him. The persistent nickname that Yamaguchi called out was enough for everyone to notice.

Yamaguchi was ecstatic when he was the one who was asked out. He's been open with his love for Tsukishima for years, and his feelings finally got reciprocated, and they've started dating. It was all that he had dreamed of. The dates, the hugs, the holding hands, and especially, the I love you's.

Everything was perfect.

—

Yamaguchi didn't know it eventually came with insecurities.

It started after a month. Whenever they went out on dates, he'd try his best to look nice, but not because he wanted to. It was because he was nervous that if he looked bad in even the slightest, people would judge him for looking like he wasn't enough for Tsukishima.

It was a silent rule that if either of them were uncomfortable or going through something, they would tell each other. So, Yamaguchi called Tsukishima one night to tell him about how he felt. He couldn't bring himself to tell Tsukishima personally, so he waited until they both got home and for it to get dark.

He was nervous, thinking that his tiny insecurities were nothing, that it shouldn't be discussed, but he talked himself into doing it. He knew he could be open to Tsukishima. He trusted that his boyfriend wouldn't belittle his emotions.

"Tadashi? Are you okay? It's late, you should be in bed," Tsukishima said as soon as he answered Yamaguchi's call. The boy on the other end of the line felt his chest warm-up in happiness. He loved him so much. He chuckled, hugging a pillow from his bed, phone in hand, "it's only ten, Kei."

"Even so," Tsukishima sighed, "what's wrong?"

Yamaguchi loved how he always asked. He seemed like the type to never care at all, to never ask, and never wonder about what you're feeling, but to Yamaguchi, he was the most careful and loving person he'd ever met.

"I know we've only been dating for only a month, and what I'm going to say is stupid," Yamaguchi paused, waiting for a reply from Tsukishima, but nothing came. So, he continued, "but recently I've been feeling like, maybe I don't look like I deserve to be your boyfriend, that you know, you'd prefer someone more good looking."

"Tadashi, I don't care about looks. I asked you out because I love you for you. Don't forget that, alright?"

The tears pricked at the corners of his eyes, "yeah," he mumbled as a reply. He heard Tsukishima sigh; he could imagine the small smile on the other boy's face, "Is that all?"

"Yeah, thanks, Kei."

"Of course, Tadashi."

—

The calls didn't stop there and nor did Yamaguchi's insecurities.

It only got worse. Two weeks after their call, Yamaguchi found himself comparing their relationship with other couples. He was insecure about how their own could look like they were just best friends and not boyfriends. Ever so slowly, he was convinced there were standards as to how they needed to act.

Questions started to fill his head.

_Should we continuously hold hands like them too? Kiss every single time we have the chance? Always look at each other lovingly? What else should we do? How are couples supposed to work? Do we go on dates every single day like others do? Should we—_

"Tadashi, what is it?"

Yamaguchi blinked, they were in another call, "ah, um, Tsukki?"

"Yes, 'dashi?" Yamaguchi smiled at the nickname, "I just, should we do things like other couples do too? Try new things, stuff like that? I don't know."

Tsukishima was silent for a bit before replying with a calm and soothing voice, "we can take our time, Tadashi. We've never been in a relationship before, so you're probably pressured. It's fine. We can take things slow."

_Ah, I love him so much._

"Thank you, Kei."

"Of course, Tadashi."

—

It didn't end there either. There were more insecurities and phone calls.

After a week of the last call, Yamaguchi called him again with something that bothered him. He didn't like having thoughts like these, but telling them to Tsukishima made him feel better, mainly because he always knew what to say.

With every call, Yamaguchi had something new that he had to tell Tsukishima. He couldn't bring himself to talk about it in person, so the talks always went through phone calls. Tsukishima never asked him either, so Yamaguchi assumed it was because he knew it would make him uncomfortable.

He loved that about Tsukishima. He knew when to ask and when not to ask, and he always said the right words to comfort Yamaguchi. He always knew what to do.

Sometimes he wondered if there would be a day where Tsukishima would run out of words.

—

More weeks pass, and it doesn't end. The insecurities, the calls, and self-deprecating thoughts had finally knocked on Yamaguchi's door with full force.

It started when Yamaguchi looked at the mirror after he had just woken up one morning.

He saw the freckles on his face and then all over his shirtless body.

_I hate these._

He always thought of the freckles on his body as his worst physical attribute. He didn't like it when he was under the sun, and it would be noticeable. It annoyed him because even if he stayed in, they were still there. He never understood when people thought freckles were cute. He found it unattractive.

Another thing he found unappealing was his face. He looked hard at the mirror and frowned at the sight of himself.

_What does Kei see in me?_

He continued to stare at his reflection, and his mind went on and made him feel worse.

_Maybe Kei's just dating me because we've been friends for so long._

_I don't see what he'd get out of me._

_I look terrible. I'm always fucking insecure._

_Will he get tired of me?_

_Will he look for someone else that isn't always insecure of everything?_

_Maybe Kuroo-san? He's confident, handsome, and charming—everything I'm not._

_Do I even deserve him?_

_Am I even enough for a person like him?_

It went downhill from there.

—

That night specifically, Yamaguchi really needed to talk to him. He had a cluster of thoughts and insecurities, and that never happened before. He was scared and stressed, but Tsukishima didn't answer his call. He never got a text why he didn't too.

The next day, he tried to call again but no answer and no reason why either.

They acted normal in school. They walked and talked together like usual, and since they never bought up the topic in person, Yamaguchi didn't know how to ask why he wasn't answering.

So, he didn't.

He tried to call on the third day, but he was ignored again—still no text message on why he's been avoiding him.

Around midnight on the third day, while he was swallowed in his self deprecating thoughts and insecurities, it dawned on Yamaguchi.

_He's tired of me._

On the fourth day, he didn't call. He just let himself be taken away by his thoughts, building up inside of him and ever so slowly, eating him alive.

He badly wanted to tell Tsukishima, but he couldn't. Not anymore.

On the fifth day, Yamaguchi didn't expect his call to be answered. It was silent. There was no 'What's wrong, Tadashi?'

"Tsukki? Yamaguchi asked, but there was no response. He wasn't in the mood to tell Tsukishima everything he'd been feeling for the past few days. He assumed he wouldn't care anymore. He'd been ignoring him, after all.

"Tsukki, I have a question."

"Shut up, Yamaguchi."

A phrase that Tsukishima had never said ever said since they started dating.

It shattered Yamaguchi's heart. If he was saying that now, it only meant that his assumptions were right. Tsukishima had finally gotten enough of Yamaguchi's stupid phone calls.

Tears started to form in his eyes, and his mind was beginning to fuel itself from the painful words Tsukishima had just said.

Yamaguchi was scared to ask, but if he was going to be in pain, he better have all of it, "was I," he paused, covering his mouth to hide the sob, "never enough?"

There was a long silence before Tsukishima answered, "you were too much."

Yamaguchi's world crumbled to the ground.

He gathered all the strength he could muster to respond, but he couldn't stop the choked sob as he spoke,

"Sorry, Tsukki."

**Author's Note:**

> aaaaa i hope i put proper tw's for this, im not sure if this is considered angst too? and if it's paced properly? aaaaa
> 
> ngl i just projected myself into Yamaguchi so if you think he's being unreasonable and stupid then you are correct but that's what makes us human, i guess ( ；∀；)


End file.
